Wot no micro?? Actually, there is one now!

I was carrying out a spot of maintenance on the blog earlier, when I came across a draft post, dating from November 2019. For some reason I didn’t publish it, so I thought I might as well let it see the light of day, now. The post is still relevant, and the only thing that has changed is that West Kent does now have its own micro-pub, in Edenbridge, called the Secret Cask. I haven’t visited, but the reports from friends an acquaintances who have, are favourable. There is no website for readers to refer to, but take a look on What Pub for further details.

One thing which is peculiar to this part of Kent; certainly when compared to other parts of the county, is the complete absence of any micro-pubs. Given that the micro-pub “phenomena” originated in Kent, there is not a single example amongst the four towns (Edenbridge, Sevenoaks, Tonbridge and Tunbridge Wells), which make up this corner of West Kent.

The nearest micro-pubs are in Gravesend, Maidstone, and Petts Wood, but none of these destinations are exactly on the doorstep, so unless inhabitants of this locality, fancy embarking on a bus or a train journey for their micro-pub fix, they are well and truly stuffed.

Tonbridge came quite close to getting a micro, a couple of years ago, but after taking the option of a lease on a vacant small shop at the north end of the High Street, and obtaining a Premises License, the potential proprietor got cold feet and aborted the project. The former shop is now an art gallery, and as far as I am aware is doing OK: not that Tonbridge is known as a centre for the arts!

Fortunately we now have our own branch of Fuggles; ironically not too far away from the aborted micro-pub, but Fuggles operates as a full-blown pub, along the same lines as the highly successful Tunbridge Wells original, and is therefore not a micro-pub.

Sky-high property prices may be partly to blame for the lack of micro-pubs, particularly when they manifest themselves in the form of high rental values. But at the moment there are a lot of empty shops, especially in Tonbridge and Tunbridge Wells, and I don’t see the situation improving anytime soon. Most of these shops are units in shopping centres - such as Royal Victoria Place, in Tunbridge Wells, so the rents are likely to be way beyond what most wanna-be micro-pub owners could afford. They are also on the large side, so the likelihood of a micro-pub opening are pretty slim. The uncertainty surrounding Brexit, which has followed from Cameron’s reckless referendum gamble, is not helping either.

Something tells me I ought to be disappointed by the lack of a true micro-pub in the area, but strangely I don’t, and whilst I think the basic concept is sound, I don’t see it as a panacea for the ills currently afflicting the pub trade. My micro-pub experiences have largely been confined to Thanet and Gravesend, and whilst I have visited some excellent establishments, particularly in East Kent, I have been in one or two real duds.

I feel that the guidelines set out by the Micro-PubAssociation, are too rigid; even though I accept they are laid out that way in order to encourage a particular clientele and discourage various other sorts. I am also not a huge fan of the really tiny ones, where if someone wants to visit the Gents, everyone has to make way for them; or if you turn round too quickly you are likely to knock someone’s pint out of their hands.

Also, whilst I am normally quite a gregarious individual, there are times when I prefer my own company, and to sit quietly and read a book, or just watch the world go by. You could say, “Don’t go into such places when you’re feeling grumpy or unsociable,” and of course you would be right, but as a micro-pub will often provide the best selection and most unusual selection of beers within a town, there is often nowhere else suitable to go.

Micro-pubs are also known for not doing food; certainly nothing beyond basic snacks such as filled rolls, pork pies or scotch eggs. Again, for many people, this is a big plus point, and as someone who frequents pubs a lot less frequently than I once did, it’s not really incumbent on me to dictate the food offering; even though I am likely to want something more substantial to help soak up the beer.

So should the famous “model”  based on the Butcher’s Arms at Herne remain the gold standard for a true micro, or is here scope for enhancement and improvement? Personally, whilst I would like the emphasis to remain on locally sourced, cask-ales, I see no reason why a couple of slightly more adventurous “key-keg” beers could not be stocked. Also, why not stock a couple of genuine, continental Pilsners, which would keep lager drinkers happy, without attracting the Stella, Fosters and Carling “lout” drinkers. I also don’t see a problem with offering a small range of quality malt whiskies or artisan gins and vodkas. Then there are the wine drinkers of course, and here something rather better than Cash & Carry, “bag-in-a-box” plonk, wouldn’t go amiss.

On reflection, I would leave the food offering alone, as not only would it be impractical, as well as financially unviable, to employ a chef, most micro-pubs aren’t large enough (yes I know the clue is in the name) and besides, the smell of cooking is enough to put many drinkers off.

So perhaps with a bit of tweaking, Paul’s “enhanced” micro-pub could be the way forward. Or perhaps not!