He likes his "ales"

This article is about pigeon-holing people; stereotyping them if you like. This specific example looks at beer drinkers who, like people from so many other walks of life, are not immune from society's compelling need to categorise them. I want to be a little more specific though and concentrate on beer lovers, connoisseurs, aficionados or even beer geeks, even though I distinctly dislike that last term.

I do not want to come across as a “beer snob” either, even though I’m sure there are people out there who might label me as such, so without further ado, let’s get stuck into the article.

I’ve a glut of beer at home, with quite a stash of numerous bottles and cans waiting to be drunk. I’m partially to blame as I stocked up on various cut-price offers in the run up to Christmas, so I’ve got tins of Pilsner Urquell and Vocation Life & Death coming out my ears. I’ve also got umpteen bottles of Fuller’s excellent London Porter – another beer that was on offer, prior to Christmas.

 

Now I don’t drink anything near the amount of beer at home than I might in a pub, so you could say I’ve been greedy, and that my eyes are bigger than my belly. You’d be right, although given the reasonably long shelf lives assigned to these beers, they won’t be going off any time soon. But there’s another issue that has exacerbated the situation, as I’m about to relate.

People who know me appreciate that I’m a beer lover, but that’s as far as it goes for most of them. The reason being that once they’ve “pigeon-holed” me as such, that’s me ticked, but if they took the trouble to know me on a slightly deeper level they would realise that being a beer lover, means so much more than major brands, stocked by every supermarket, or gracing the bars of pubs up and down the country. 

Before going any further, my company’s QC department has a tradition of buying Christmas gifts for each other. I’m not sure when tithes  started, but it was in place when I took over as department head and I saw no reason to discontinue it. We don’t go overboard with the spending, but the presents are usually quite carefully targeted to appeal to the person receiving them. This isn’t hard when one is probably spending more time with work colleagues than with members of ones own family.

“Paul is a beer lover, so let’s get him a few special beers for Christmas.” Fair enough, but what exactly is meant by the term “special beers?” “Paul likes his ales,” is another remark I’ve heard, and in the past this has sometimes been misinterpreted. To many people the word “ales” signifies a beer that is a cut above the rest;  the rest of course being mass-marketed international brands of industrial lager.

Consequently I have ended up receiving a motley collection of so-called Premium Bottled Ales (PBA’s), as my Christmas present. It’s the thought that counts and I don’t want to take anything away from the well-meaning, but misguided intentions of colleagues or family members, but my heart has sunk on seeing the likes of Old Speckled Hen, Bombardier, Greene King IPA or even Doom Bar appearing under the Christmas tree.

I completely understand that in the eyes of non-beer drinkers, or even main stream lager lovers, PBA’s are something different, perhaps even mysterious, and therefore special. So with the assurance that Paul will really enjoy these types of beers, that’s me well and truly “pigeon-holed.” 

To be fair, most my departmental colleagues, as well as the majority of family members now know I appreciate something far less main-stream, and with a lot more character and provenance than a few tinnies of Fosters or Carling, but I have had to be very careful so to not appear as ungrateful, or to come across as patronising. Certainly the last thing I want is to come across is as an arrogant beer snob.

What I have tried to do instead, is to drop subtle hints that I really would prefer something a little more out of the ordinary and something rather more off-piste. This has started to pay off, especially at work, as I have been given selections of some quite rare Christmas Ales, some equally interesting bottles from Harvey’s, (including gems such as Bonfire Boy, Porter and Lewes Castle Brown Ale.) Last Christmas I even received an excellent selection of craft cans from Beer Hawk.

So what about those heavily-promoted, ideal for Christmas, bottled selection packs from Badger, Greene King and Marston’s that I received back in December?  Well as it’s the thought that counts, I of course accept these gifts with gratitude and good grace. And although I end up with a stash of beers I will slowly have to drink my way through, it’s not all bad.

Being given beers which I wouldn’t normally buy does allow the opportunity of sampling some of these mainstream brands,  and reminding oneself just how boring many of them are. Occasionally though, I end up eating my words as some of them are surprisingly good.

One example is Badger Tanglefoot; this 5.0% bottled beer not only turning out much better than I thought it would be, but was also superior to the slightly weaker cask version. The same brewery’s Fursty Ferret, also turned out much better than anticipated.

There are other examples as well, but to sum up, a big thank-you to everyone who has ever bought me beer for Christmas, birthday or both. I really appreciate you doing this regardless of the type, brand or provenance of the beer; it is all welcome.

If  I come across as a grumpy, moaning and ungrateful git, this is not deliberate, it’s just that I do have high expectations of what I am looking for in a beer. Despite this streak of elitism though, your bottle of Tanglefoot or London Pride is no less welcome than that special, barrel-aged, smoked, imperial porter, and probably a lot more drinkable, so thank-you once more.

However, if you ever come to visit,  and your not a beer connoisseur, don’t be surprised if I offer you a Doom Bar, an Old Speckled Hen or a Spitfire!