Eat in (and drink in) to help out

 “Eat out to help out,” was the slogan behind the UK government’s scheme to assist the hospitality sector, back in the summer. A sector battered after three months of enforced closure as part of the first national lockdown.

Now, at the start of winter things seem very different and it’s more like a case of eat to be able to buy a drink; but only if, like roughly half of the country, you live in Tier 2. The fortunate few who inhabit Tier 1 (Cornwall and the Isle of Wight, at the moment), can enjoy a pint without having to stuff your face, but the unfortunate residents of Greater Manchester, Leicester and Kent (to name but a few locations), are denied access to pubs, bars and restaurants altogether because of Doris and Hancock’s increasingly haphazard and totally illogical policy.

Forcing pubs to become restaurants, to enable Tier 2 residents to have a pint, has to be one of the most stupid policies ever. I’m stuck in Tier 3, so that “privilege” is denied to me, but even if I lived just a few miles from here, across the border with Tier 2 East Sussex, I still wouldn’t bother.

I enjoy a pub meal, from time to time, but only when a suitable occasion presents itself. I certainly don’t wish to be forced to buy a “substantial meal” in order to enjoy a couple of pints! Whoever dreamt up this lunacy, has probably never set foot inside a proper pub, and probably thinks that the “lower orders” all frequent over-priced and poncy gastropubs in twee country villages.

I therefore, cannot even begin to imagine why they would have come up with such nonsense in the first place, or why government ministers, like that odious little pip-squeak Gove, have the gall to appear on national TV in order to defend it.

In the meantime, hundreds of business and thousands of workers employed in the hospitality sector are being hung out to dry, in order to prevent the spread of a virus that despite a higher mortality rate than seasonal flu, isn’t the Black Death, smallpox or the Spanish Flu. You wouldn’t want to contract Covod-19, even though many people won’t know they’ve had it, but it isn't the "end of days" and shutting down the fifth largest sector of our economy, on the flimsy pretext of protecting the NHS, just doesn’t wash.

Words fail me, but there’s no point in getting angry, because politicians and their increasingly out of touch scientific “special advisors,” just aren’t listening. All those of us who are stuck in Tier 3 can do is support our local pubs and breweries as much as we can, and by that, I mean buy beer and food from them, wherever and as often as possible.

There’s probably a limit to the latter, but I have been doing my own little bit in order to help. The other week I picked up a five-litre mini keg of Porter, from local brewers Larkin’s, and tomorrow I shall be heading down to Fuggles in Tonbridge. They are not allowed to open as a pub, but they can trade as a shop, so I will be looking to pick up a selection of interesting bottled beers to see me into the festering season.

As for the food, well last Sunday, whilst picking up a most welcome cup of coffee from the Chequers in Tonbridge, I noticed an “A” board outside advertising Thursday as "takeaway curry night." They were all chicken, but here was a choice of Tika Masala, Jalfrezi, Madras or Balti. All came with rice, naan plus poppadom and for the princely sum of £5.95 each, sounded an absolute bargain.

I took a photo of the sign, showed it to the family, and the verdict was we should go for it. So, Thursday morning I phoned our order through, with the aim of picking it up at 6.30pm. Come around the back of the pub to collect, said the landlord, so at the allotted time I presented myself at the rear door of the Chequers.

My brief visit seemed almost furtive,
like knocking on the door of a "Speakeasy" in prohibition-era America, yet this was 21^st Century Britain. The irony wasn’t lost as, one hundred years on, the UK is in almost the same position as our friends across the Atlantic were a century ago. The reasons might be different (although I’m not sure they are, as there’s an air of false morality associated with both), but the end result is the same.

As I walked back to the car, I passed Tonbridge’s JDW outlet – the Humphrey Bean.  Looking dark and deserted, the posters outside still advertising Spoon’s “Sunak Specials,” once again the irony of the ludicrous situation we find ourselves in, became all too apparent.

The final kick in the teeth, was walking past the local nail bar – face to face contact between technician and client, and although masks and/or face shields were being worn, you can’t tell me such places are more Covid-safe than a pub or restaurant? Obviously, women’s vanity, with regard to their nails, takes precedent over someone desiring a pint of beer, plus a chat with his or her friends. Now where’s the logic in this?

On the plus side, the various curries were enjoyed and eagerly devoured by the Bailey family. Next week we will give the homemade pizzas from the Foresters’ Arms a try. "Eat in to help out" is all we can do at the moment, but the good people of Kent aren’t going to put up with this nonsense for too much longer!