Once the tugs had manoeuvred us out from our berth we had an
interesting voyage out of
Hamburg
on the
Queen Mary 2. This was on the third morning of our recent cruise, but
unfortunately I didn't get to see the first section of the
80 mile journey along the
Elbe river, and towards the sea. I
didn’t know I would be missing something special, and it was only after meeting
up with
Mrs PBT’s after our individual breakfasts, that I learned I hadn't seen the best part of the river. This was because as our
boat let go of the tug lines, and we slipped into the mainstream of the river,
I had left
Eileen in the cabin, getting stuck into her cooked breakfast –
courtesy of
room service.
She’d enjoyed
breakfast in the room every morning except the
last, and that was only because it wasn’t available for those departing the
ship that day. She’s been a fan of
“room service” for as long as I’ve known
her, but I’ve always preferred the slightly more formal option in any hotel or
B&B, of going down to the dining room, and enjoying my breakfast in the
company of other guests. Apart from the odd acknowledgement, I don’t normally
chat much to other guests, as most people are a bit bleary-eyed in the morning, it’s just that I like getting away from the bedroom and
breaking my fast in different, and rather more ordered surroundings.
So that
Wednesday morning, I headed for the ship's
Britannia
Restaurant, to enjoy a
“silver service" breakfast. This wasn’t because I like being
“posh,” or
showing off, but largely because
Scottish kippers were on the menu but, as I
soon discovered, the excellence of the kippers, and indeed the experience
itself, was soured by the company I was seated with in the restaurant. The two
old reactionary duffers, and their rather dull, nodding wives, were, I would
guess, a decade or so older than me, and seemed determined to share their
negative views on an array of varying subjects, amongst anyone within earshot.
Number one on their list of
bête noires, was the
Germans, and their
former chancellor, Angela Merkel. This didn’t really seem the wisest of moves, given that
German nationals made up at lease half of the passengers on
board, but perhaps that was their intention from the start.
They then moved on to slag off
Tony Blair, even though he’s not
been involved in
UK
politics, for a decade and a half.
Blair was blamed for what they saw as the
folly of granting university places to all 18 year olds who wanted them,
irrespective of whether there was a job for then, at the end of it. There may
have been a grain of truth in their argument, but it was the way they put it
across that annoyed me. It was like the
Monty Python sketch with the
“Three Yorkshire-men.” “We had it tough, growing up, but try telling that to the youth
of today!” One individual said that his children had gone out and found
themselves proper jobs, rather doing some
“airy-fairy” degree, such as
English
Literature. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to nod, or even clap in approval, but he’d obviously obtained this story from one of the more rabid
MSM
publications. I remember noticing a headline, along similar lines, a few days
before.
The final and most contentious point was brought to the
conversation by the same individual, who was definitely the more vociferous of
the two. I don’t know where he picked this one up from, or what facts
there were, if any, behind it, but the story revolved around what he saw as the
“Conspiracy to take us back into the EU.” If only, I thought, but the pair were getting into the realms of fantasy,
by this stage, and to engage with them further, would have been a complete
waste of time. I was on holiday with the aim of relaxing, pampering and
enjoying myself – hence the
kippers. I certainly didn’t want to get involved
with a couple of silly old duffers, who came across as fully paid-up members of
UKIP!
The
breakfast experience was saved by the excellence of
the food, plus the other guest - a
90 year old American from
Massachusetts.
Thankfully, this fellow traveller had no interest in
UK
politics, and despite his age, seemed a person determined to enjoy life to the
full. He said he was heading off to the gym as soon as he had finished his breakfast,
something that put us all to shame, especially the other guests at the table. I
didn’t let this poor experience put me off, as a few days later, and determined
to experience another silver service breakfast, I returned to the restaurant,
but this time I asked to be sat on my own.
For some reason I uttered the words, that I didn’t like
the people I’d been placed with last time. Thinking this had sounded rather
churlish, and also feeling slightly ashamed of myself, I tried excusing my
behaviour by saying,
“That sounds rather awful, doesn’t it?” To my surprise,
the tall, slim,
east-European maître d',
who up until that moment had seemed rather aloof, broke into a smile, and
answered,
“Not at all. It is your holiday and you should be able to sit where
you want and with people you feel at ease with!” She found me a convenient
table, just for one, and I enjoyed another piscine breakfast, this time opting
for
smoked haddock, poached in milk, served up with plenty of toast. On the way
out, I made a point of engaging this lady in conversation. She informed me that
the food served up in the restaurant was exactly the same as that dished up in
the buffet, a few decks above.
I mulled this over, but when I
thought about it further, I concluded that whilst this may have applied at breakfast, I am
certain it didn’t hold true in the evenings, especially when it came to the
posh, black tie, affairs that are a regular feature on cruise
lines such as
Cunard and
P&O. I had reached this opinion on the second night of the cruise, when
Eileen and I, got ourselves dressed up in order to attend one of these posh,
gala evening dinners. As things turned out, it was the only such event we
attended, but as the only extra items of formal clothing I brought with me, were a
business suit, plus a couple of shirts, not to have worn them didn't really affect me. The lady of the house had done
the complete opposite, despite my gentle teasing, and brought more than a few
formal dresses, plus accompanying shoes and other accessories. I even had to
find space in my case for all this extra paraphernalia!
What I am hinting at is these formal evenings were really
her idea, so after attending that initial one, I was somewhat surprised when
she seemed less keen to go to any more. I wasn’t bothered and ironically enough
her reluctance centered on the rather dull company we were placed with. For the
third cruise in a row, we were allocated the first sitting, which starts at
6pm. This was despite a request on out booking form for the later
8.15pm sitting. The earlier time can be quite
rushed, with restaurant staff anxious to ensure all three courses are served,
consumed, and the plates cleared away, before the guests are ushered out,
and tables made ready for the second sitting.
The real issue, and here I could see where Eileen was
coming from, was again the company, as hinted above. As well as allocating
first or second sitting, the cruise line allocate customers with a table
number, and whilst in certain situations this can be altered, people are
largely expected to stick with their allocation. So if, like us, you get
lumbered with Mr & Mrs Personality, you are pretty much stuck. Tables in the Britannia
Restaurant are laid out with six places, but on that first night there was just one other couple.
Without wishing to sound too judgemental, this husband and
wife team really weren’t our types. The wife was pleasant enough, in a rather
too sincere way. She was painfully thin and claimed to affected by all manner of
bizarre food allergies. Her husband was just obnoxious – aloof, indifferent and
seemingly intent on contradicting everything his poor wife said in a manner that
was both condescending and belittling. We both felt for this lady, as the
situation was rather embarrassing, so when Mrs PBT’s declined my hints about
attending a further event, I was more than a little relieved. I must end by saying that the food, on the other hand, was something else. My main course of poached chicken was so tasty and tender, it just melted in my mouth, and the white chocolate mousse dessert was also right up there with the finest of cuisine.
So it was the
Kings Court Buffet for the rest of the
cruise, with the occasional pub lunch at the
Golden Lion pub for a bit of
variety. That wasn’t quite the end though of our flirtation with the
Britannia
Restaurant, as early one afternoon, after becoming a little disoriented, we
accidentally found ourselves in said restaurant after deciding to take a short
cut. A waiter approached us, and asked if we wanted a table, before pressing a
menu into our hands. He explained that no
formal dress code applied at
lunchtime, so after a quick glance at the food offering, we agreed to stop there for
lunch. We enjoyed a really nice slice of steak and ale pie, topped with puff
pastry and served with mash potato and peas. With ice cream for dessert,
followed by coffee, we enjoyed the whole
silver service experience, without
the formality of a stuffy dress code, and also with just ourselves
for company, rather than being seated next to a freak show.
For the majority of the cruise, the buffet was fine with
food offerings of the highest quality, laid out in front of you. There was a
changing variety of dishes served up on a daily basis, with
Indian, Far
Eastern, Italian, and one evening, even
German cuisine served up, alongside familiar staples from home, such as roast meats, casseroles, pies, and fish & chips. All
incredibly tempting, and all too far too easy to end up eating far more than is
good for you, that is except we didn’t! Things have changed in the buffet
section since
Covid came on the scene, and the days of cruisers piling as much
food as possible onto their plates, have thankfully gone.
Rather than customers
helping themselves, food is instead ladled onto your plate, which you offer
up beneath a protective
Perspex cover, after indicating which dishes and/or sides
you want. This does mean the provision of additional staff from the cruise
company’s point of view, but it prevents people from breathing, or even
coughing over the food!
Portion size is thus, far better controlled,
although if there is a dish you really fancy, you can ask for a little extra. At a guess,
I would say the cost of the additional dining room staff is offset against the phenomenal
amounts of food that used to get wasted, by greedy people, all with eyes
bigger than their bellies!
It still holds that you will never starve on a cruise ship,
and never go hungry. In fact, you can normally find something and somewhere to
eat, throughout waking hours and probably well into the night as well, and if
this still fails, follow my wife’s lead, and dial up
room service! Whilst this
all sounds like a good thing, please be aware there is a real danger of piling
on the pounds, although without wishing to sound too smug, I can report that
Mrs PBT’s and I didn’t! If anything, we lost a few pounds, despite enjoying
three square meals, every day.
We put this down to the aforementioned portion
control, alongside choosing healthy options, some of the time, but not on every
occasion - we were, after all on holiday. In addition, there is a fair amount of
walking involved on a ship, especially if you take the stairs rather then the
lift. A brisk stroll around the promenade deck will also help burn off some of
those additional calories, with three lap’s equivalent to
1.1 miles, and two equating to
1.1
kilometres. It’s probably a load of baloney to say that all those lungfuls of
fresh sea air, helps shift the additional calories, but even if they don’t, they make
you feel good, as well as tiring you out, in a good sort of way.
I’ve probably said more than enough, not just about the
food options available on a
cruise ship, but have also given you an insight into
the people and situations you want to avoid. Don’t forget, that as well as acting like a
floating hotel that provides your food and lodging, your ship is also your means of transport, capable of taking you to a different destination
every day – even if that is sometimes, just another position on an ocean chart.
For both
Mrs PBT’s and I, there is nothing more exciting than pulling back the
curtains each morning, and finding ourselves in a new, different and exciting destination.
