Anxiety and alcohol

OK, so the shed roof is not quite finished, but it’s weather-tight, so after grafting for much of Saturday, I took Sunday off in order to drive Mrs PBT’s down to Pevensey Bay, near Eastbourne. Her brother and his girlfriend are staying in their camper-van, at one of the local camp sites, and invited us to join them for Sunday lunch, at a nearby pub - more of that in a later post.

In the meantime here is a lengthy, and rather personal article that I’ve been meaning to post for quite a while. I’ve kept putting off publishing it, as it’s a bit too personal in places, but leaving that aside, it concerns an issue which affects a lot of people, and is something which can have a real negative affect on them and their lives.

The subject I want to discuss in some depth is anxiety, but seeing as this blog is primarily a beer related one, I particularly want to explore the relationship between anxiety and alcohol. Before looking at that relationship though, here’s a short summary of what anxiety is all about.

Anxiety, or uneasiness of mind is caused by fear of danger or misfortune. It is a fear of what might happen in the future, but it is not a fear about something that is happening now. Understanding this simple summary goes a long way towards finding a cure for this often distressing affliction of the mind, which is an ailment which many people suffer from.

It helps to know that anxiety can be regarded as the space between the “now” and the “then.” This is the so-called “anxiety gap,” which in effect means being here, but wanting to be there. You know the feeling, you find yourself in an awkward situation; something you feel uncomfortable with. You would much rather be somewhere else, somewhere familiar, somewhere safe, somewhere you feel confident with, but instead you are faced with a situation or an event that is way outside your comfort zone.

We’ve all experienced these feelings, and nine times out of ten we can put them aside, rise to the occasion, sort out whatever it is that is bothering us, and emerged, unscathed on the other side. Sometimes though, this all becomes too much for people and they end up feeling unable to cope with what life is flinging at them. causes–

They retreat back into their shells and hide themselves from the world. Anxiety then develops into depression (the two are closely linked).  The worst thing about anxiety/depression is one loses interest in virtually everything, and things that once afforded the greatest pleasure no longer matter or seem important to the sufferer.

I suffered a particularly bad bout of anxiety for much of 2011. The condition was brought on by a problem that had been building at work, for sometime beforehand, which was then made worse by me blaming myself for not having taken action and dealing with the situation in the way I know I should have done.

I won’t go into too much detail here, but in the end, I cured myself. There is some really good self-help material out there on the web. I also attended some counselling sessions, arranged through my GP, which were very helpful. Talking through one’s problems, and looking for ways to deal with them, is always useful.

One thing the counsellor told me, is that people who go through these sorts of experiences, emerge stronger on the other side.  I have heard this from several other sources as well. I didn’t believe her  at first, but it didn’t take too long after my recovery to realise she was right. 

So if you do feel as though life is getting on top of you, and you are finding it increasingly difficult to cope, please remember there is eventually light at the end of the tunnel, and you WILL emerge from your experience a stronger an better person.

One final thing that is well worth taking note of, before we look at the relationship between anxiety and alcohol, is that anxiety is a fear of what might happen in the future, rather than what is happening now. Remember the future is then, rather than now, and our past has shown us we will have all we need in the future to deal with whatever situation arises,  in the same way as we have all we need now to avoid the situation arising.

Put simply anxiety is caused by not being present, and trying to live in the future. We cannot know what the future will bring, or what it will be like, even though we like to imagine that we do know. This means that the sensible thing to do is to live solely in the “now”, as it is the only thing there is. We cannot live in the past, because it has already happened, just the same as we cannot live in the future, because it has yet to happen. So the now (or the present), is all there is, and this is where we should try to always live.                                                                                                                          

Now I would like to say that I don’t suffer from anxiety anymore and to all intents and purposes this is largely true, but there is one exception. Drinking more than a moderate amount of alcohol, over an extended period (several days), does seem to bring on unwanted feelings of insecurity. This is especially true, late at night, when one has been away from home for a while, such as being on holiday or on an overseas business trip.

Waking up in a strange bed, in momentary unfamiliar surroundings and wondering where the hell you are, is not always a pleasant experience. All very silly really, but I know from experience it is my over-indulgence in alcohol that is responsible for bringing on these feelings in the dead of the night.

The feelings normally only last a short while and it doesn’t take long to regain my composure, but when I say it is the booze which is responsible, I know I am right. Two contrasting examples illustrate this nicely, as both involve trips away.

The business trip I made to Cologne back in March was a boozy affair. After a long, and some times boring day on the company exhibition stand, my colleagues and I tended to let our hair down in the evenings.  Each evening we would typically convene in the hotel reception and neck back a few Kölsch’s, before heading into town for a meal.

There would be more beers with the meal, and sometimes wine as well, then there would be the inevitable night-cap of a couple more glasses of Kölsch back at the hotel, before heading up to bed. I can recall at least two occasions when I awoke in the small hours, feeling really anxious with a feeling almost of dread, wondering where I was.

The feelings, which soon subsided, were similar to those associated with delays in getting to the airport and missing your flight or mislaying your passport. Groundless fears really, because if such events did occur, they wouldn’t be the end of the world and could be relatively easy to resolve (the lost passport might be a little trickier).

Now contrast this with my recent visit to China, where not only was I several thousand miles away from home, but I was in a large, sprawling city, in a country where relatively few people spoke English, and where even the alphabet was a confusing jumble of intriguing, but undecipherable symbols.

If there was anywhere to wake up in the dead of night, in a cold sweat, then China was surely the place and far more so than Germany, where things are much more familiar. Interestingly, not once did I have these feelings, despite the, at times, almost alien surroundings, and the fact I was the other side of the world.

I can only put this down to a very modest consumption of alcohol during my three days in the country, with just a few glasses of beer of an evening. I felt totally safe in China, and completely at ease travelling around by myself. What’s more, I slept like the proverbial log.

Now I’m not for one moment advocating giving up alcohol, but I’m keen to know whether there is a connection between anxiety and alcohol. Speaking personally, I’m not sure whether the link was always there, or if it just appeared. If the connection was there, I don’t think I ever noticed it, so it was quite surprising to discover that during my period of anxiety in  2011, I found that drink can have a dark side.

I initially found, that a beer or two helped me relax, but I then found myself waking the next day, or even in the night, feeling more anxious  than ever. I knocked the booze on the head for the best part of a year, despite at times really craving a pint. Sometimes I fancied a beer so much that I dreamt about it, and I can tell you that even in those dreams it looked really good and tasted even better!

That’s probably enough on the subject, but as someone who thought he was immune to such ailments of the mind, I want to end with a warning. Anxiety can and will creep up on you, but only if you let it. The trick is to remain vigilant and not let it in. See it for what it really is, which is an illusion.

Finally, endeavour to remain present as much as possible, and live your life in the now. The NOW is all that there is, because the past has already happened and the future is yet to occur. It is now, now and in five seconds time it will still be now….and now………and now!

Fixing a hole

I’ve not been very productive on the blogging front since my return from Poland, even though there’s lots of things I’d like to write about. Not all of the ideas that are buzzing around in my head are related to my  visit to Krakow either, as there’s plenty of things occurring back home, it’s just a simple case of not having had the time.

It’s not work this time that is the problem, but rather a case of making hay whilst the sun shines, whilst at the same time taking advantage of the glorious September sunshine we’ve been enjoying. To elaborate. My garden shed is in urgent need of re-roofing, so the fine weather we’ve been blessed with, is ideal for such outdoor DIY projects. Consequently, since my return from Poland, it’s  been a real case of making use of every available daylight hour outside of work.

However, as DIY tasks often do, the renewal of the shed roof is taking longer than anticipated. I had to remove the old boards first, as they’d rotted through in places, but with rusty nails and screws to remove, this hasn’t proved an easy task.

This is the second time I’ve had to do this, the previous occasion being 13 or so years ago. The replacement roof lasted well until a storm earlier this year ripped much of the felt off.  This exposed the rot that had set in underneath. Neglecting to clear all the dead leaves out from the gutters, was the primary cause of this, as their presence had allowed water to accumulate and casing the damp to spread upwards, underneath the felt. It was only when the protective covering was removed that the true extent of  the rot was revealed.

The garden shed we inherited when we moved into our current property, 25 years ago, is quite a structure. For a start it’s much taller than it needs to be, and the height is compounded by the shed being several feet off the ground on concrete blocks.

As I said the shed came with the property, and whilst I have enhanced it over the years, replacing the roof involves working at height. Now I’m not a huge fan of working off a ladder, but with son Matthew helping me, you have to ask why it’s me up the ladder rather than him? 

After all, such tasks should be easier for someone in their late twenties than they are for a person like me in their mid-sixties. Matthew claims he is scared of heights, but doesn’t consider that I’m not keen on being up a ladder either, but someone has to see the job through, and by working most of last weekend, and every evening this week, the old roofing sheets have been removed and the new ones are in place. Now it’s just a question of  renewing the felt.

I must admit I’ll be glad when the job’s done, so I can get back to writing and other enjoyable pursuits, such as beer drinking, but with the weather due to break this coming Sunday, it’s been a race against time.

I gave the shed a miss tonight (Friday), as I’d literally run out of steam. This is not unusual for the end of the working week, but this particular one has been exceptionally hectic. With a key member of my staff on holiday, our monthly management meeting to prepare for, visitors across from Japan and attempting to secure a Russian-speaking interpreter for an audit we’ve got coming up next month, I was glad to close the door on the garden and retreat to the comfort of my home office and bash out this piece of trivia.

Normal service should be resumed early next week!

"Fixing a Hole" is the fifth track on the Beatles seminal album "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," released in May 1967; the so-called "summer of love."  It's quite a catchy number, but at the same time quite an annoying one. I'm sure most people of my generation will know it. 

It seemed an appropriate title, even though there was more than one hole in my shed roof! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPBd8eHQqIw

A tribute to Poland

Poland is a country I’d wanted to visit for some considerable time, so towards the end of last month (August), I finally took the bull by the horns, booked a return flight, selected a suitable hotel and the weekend before last, set off for a short three night visit.

The southern city of Krakow was always going to be my destination of choice, given its long and illustrious history, and the fact that it escaped relatively intact from the devastation of World War II.

No nation endured the suffering that Poland did for much of the 20^th Century, as after re-emerging as a proud, independent nation in 1918, just twenty years later the country was invaded by both Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union. After the former attacked from the west, the latter piled in its forces from the east; the two dictatorships dividing up the country between them.

A brutal six-year occupation then followed, during which around 6 million Polish citizens perished – nearly one-fifth of country's population. Over 90% of these deaths were non-military in nature. Around half of the number killed were Polish Jews,  as  Poland at the time was home to one of the largest Jewish populations in Europe.

Following the end of hostilities in 1945, Poland’s borders were shifted westwards on the order of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin. The shift in boundaries allowed Stalin to keep hold of the eastern part of Poland, which Soviet forces had originally occupied in 1939. Over 2 million Polish inhabitants of this region were forcibly expelled

At the same time the Poland’s western border became the line of the  Oder-Neisse rivers, which meant the annexation of a slice of eastern Germany. This included the provinces of Pomerania, Eastern Brandenburg and Silesia, and involved the expulsion of around 8 million ethnic Germans.  This shift in boundaries, is said to have involved the forced migration of around 20 million people, most of whom were Poles, Germans, Ukrainians, and Jews.

I’ve always felt an affinity with the Poles, especially as in 1939, Britain went to war with Germany, to try and assist them.  It was a symbolic and largely futile gesture as there was little Britain and her ally France, could do to assist the Poland, but the UK did provide a home for the Polish Government in exile, and attempted to act as the nation’s guarantor as World War II drew to a close.

In the end these guarantees came to nothing, as the British Government was powerless against Stalin and the all-conquering Red Army. Poland came under Soviet influence, and with the installation of a repressive, communist government, the country’s suffering continued for a further 45 years.

It wasn’t until the emergence of the Solidarity movement, and the collapse of the country’s socialist government, that Poland’s citizens finally regained their freedom and took their place on the world stage. In 2004 the country became a member of the European Union and has benefited enormously, both economically and socially from joining the EU. It does make one wonder then, why narrow-minded individuals in the UK are desperately trying to force us out of the world’s largest trading bloc.

So for the above reasons, and several more personal ones, I wanted to visit Poland to say sorry to its people for appearing to have abandoned them, both during and after WWII, but also to thank them for the enormous contribution made by Polish servicemen during that conflict, both on land and in the air – and in particular during the Battle of Britain.  

First night in Krakow

As in many parts of the world, the “craft beer” scene is flourishing in Poland; well it’s certainly thriving in Krakow, as I discovered on my recent visit. Admittedly I did go looking for it – after all what else is a dedicated beer-lover supposed to do? But I’m sure that even without my active involvement, I would have stumbled across some craft beer at some time during my stay in the city.

Sunday evening marked my first night in Krakow. I was tired after getting up early to ensure I made it to the airport in time for my flight, and with the usual weekend engineering works affecting rail journeys, my journey to Gatwick took longer than it would normally have done.

My flight was on time, and touched down at Krakow’s John Paul II Airport in brilliant sunshine. I found engineering works affecting rail travel in Poland as well, which meant a rail-replacement bus into the city centre. I was fine with this as I was travelling light, with just “hand baggage,” so  was able to sit next to the window and enjoy the views of rural Poland, as we gradually approached the suburbs of Krakow.

It was a relatively short walk from the main railway station to my hotel, so after checking in and freshening up a bit, I headed into the old town. This again was just a short walk, up through one of the pleasant, tree-shaded green areas surrounding the old town. For the history buffs amongst you, these areas of parkland, follow the site of the medieval walls which once surrounded the city.

It wasn’t long before I reached the central market square known as Rynek Glówny, where I halted a while to take in the scene along with capturing some of the architecture on my camera. The square reminded me of Prague’s old town square, especially the area around Týn Church, and the sight of dozens of people, sitting out under sunshades eating and drinking, reminded me I’d only had a cheese and ham baguette since breakfast.

It was time to head off in search of both food and drink, but as the market square is more of a rectangle, with a funnel-shaped section at the southern entrance, I got quite disoriented. I was heading for C.K. Browar; Krakow’s oldest brew-pub, but for reasons outlined above I was not only looking at the map from the  wrong angle, I also failed to realise that the establishment was the other side of Planty Park – see above.

Instead I found myself at the House of Beer, tucked away in the heart of the old town. Fortunately this legendary bar was not overly crowded, at 7pm, but even so I failed to find an empty table and this meant I would have to sit at the bar. I discovered that the place was self-service anyway, and perfectly OK to eat at the bar as well as drink, so after ordering what turned out to be an excellent pulled-pork burger with fries - not very Polish according to some of my work colleagues who hail from Poland, but I remain unrepentant, I chose a beer from the extensive list.

Although House of Beer boasts that it stocks 150 different beers, most of them are bottled, so by sticking to the list of 12 draught beers available, I was able to narrow the choice down extensively.  If I was being disloyal to the country’s cuisine – albeit unknowingly, at least most of the draught beers were brewed in Poland.

I’ve mislaid my beer notes at this particular moment, but I do recall drinking two of the American style IPAs on the list – both half litres, before finishing with a small (300ml) glass of Blackberry Stout. The latter was shockingly sour, but surprisingly  refreshing. It reminded me of a Belgian Kriek, in terms of both flavour and tartness, and was a good beer to finish on.

With the inner man satisfied, I decided to call it a day. I was in need of my bed, so I headed off in a southerly direction, skirting the still busy Rynek Glówny Square, and made my way back to the hotel. It was only 9pm, but despite the darkness I felt quite safe walking through the park. The only real danger seemed to be from people whizzing up from behind on electric scooters – a means of transport which seemed to be all the rage in Krakow.

It wasn’t long after wards that I was tucked up in bed and dropping off to sleep after what, of me, had been a busy and rather tiring day.

Footnote: I found my way to C.K. Browar two days later. I wasn’t over-impressed. It was lunchtime and the place was virtually empty. Furthermore it smelt of drains – possibly something to do with its underground location. If I have time, I will elaborate in a later post. 

Do your homework prior to departure

I had to adjust the layout slightly, of the two previous posts – the ones I composed whilst away, and added to the blog, by means of my phone. The view on the small screen is of necessity different, and whilst everything looked fine on my Samsung, when I logged in on my desk-top PC at home, it was patently obvious there were too many photos, which in turn highlighted the paucity of text and there being too much white space.

I’ve  carried out an edit on both posts now, which probably took longer than composing and adding the originals, but I have standards to maintain, don’t you know, and I didn’t want the spontaneity of a quick morning’s work, to be spoiled by a sloppy layout.

This brings me on to the post I began writing, the night before I went away. I didn’t have time to finish it, but I wanted to bring reader’s attention to the tricky subject of choosing which pubs and bars are likely to appeal the most, when visiting a new town or city for the first time. If it’s a completely new country, then there’s a further dilemma, as there’s no baseline to guide or point you in the right direction.

When your time in a new location is limited, like mine was, there’s often the temptation to cram in as much as possible, but this is not always a good thing. (More meaning less and all that!) I therefore adopt an open minded approach, but one that implies a note of caution.  I certainly like to give those establishments which deliberately target tourists, a wide berth and I also avoid places owned by large conglomerates or multi-national brewers.

I tend to steer clear too of bars owned by the likes of Brew Dog, Stone Brewing or Mikkeller, mainly because they are slowly spreading their way all over the globe, stifling competition and drawing sales away from struggling local, small-scale brewers. I’ve nothing against beers from the aforementioned companies, or their beers; it’s just that when I’m away I much prefer to drink something more local, with more provenance, and a beer which will remind me of the location I am visiting.

So even though I’ve come across outlets owned by these two companies, in  locations where you might least expect them, I find it quite disconcerting to be drinking say a Brew Dog in Barcelona or a Mikkeller in Reykjavik. If I want to enjoy a beer from one or more of these renowned brewers, I will do it on their home turf, and not in a foreign location. I realise it’s all perception, but Brew Dog seems to taste far better back home and so does Stone in the United States along with Mikkeller in Copenhagen.

Returning to the subject in question, I used a couple of online sources whilst researching  my trip, the best and most reliable one proving to be Krakow - Local Life. Several of the outlets listed, also turned up on either the Insight Guide to Krakow, I purchased, prior to my departure, or the free, Krakow in your pocket City Guide, handed to me when I checked into my hotel.

I’m sure other readers will have their own proven method(s) of sniffing out the best drinking establishments when visiting new locations, both at home and abroad, and I would be interested in people’s feedback on this.

Farewell to Krakow

Today my short break in Krakow comes to an end, and I will shortly be checking out of my hotel and heading to the airpor.

I've packed a lot into my three day stay, although I did avoid the obvious tours of the Wieliczka Salt Mine and Auschwitz. There are companies all over the city offering trips to these popular tourist destinations and most hotels, including the one I'm staying in, will arrange a visit, should you so desire.

I have my own reasons for not wishing to visit Auschwitz, which I'll explain in a later post, and whilst a trip down a mine would once have appealed to a younger me, there have been too many incidents in recent years of people becoming trapped underground.

Instead I've done plenty of sightseeing in this wonderfully preserved, cosmopolitan city and walked my little legs off.

Krakow reminds me very much of Prague (one of my favourite cities), except that it is much more compact and easier to get around on foot.

I will definitely be back and might even tempt Mrs PBT's to accompany me. I'm sure the city would also appeal to young Mr Bailey. That's all for now, as I've got some last minute shopping to do and a flight to catch.

ps. This is my second post by phone. It's much easier than I thought, so providing there's a decent internet connection,  similarly brief articles may become a regular feature of future trips.

An unexpected surprise

I've never tried publishing a post before from my phone, but it's 7.30 in the morning here in Krakow and I'm just contemplating dragging myself out of bed, so I thought I'd give it a try.

There will be plenty to read about this lovely old city, with its virtually intact 19th Century (or older ), centre when I get back, but for now let's just say it's great for wandering around, admiring the architecture and just soaking up the atmosphere.

 Beer-wise craft has made its presence felt in Poland, and I've already  enjoyed some excellent, locally brewed examples, but yesterday lunchtime, exasperated to find that several of the places I'd picked in the former Jewish quarter didn't open until 4pm, I succumbed to big brand beer, and was really glad I did.

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I'd already walked past the Wrega - Polish Pub & Gallery and after a morning spent walking around the impressive Wawel Castle complex, followed by a sobering, and rather haunting look around Kazimierz's Jewish cemetery, I was in need of somewhere to sit down, along with a glass of beer plus something to eat.

Wrega was advertising beers from Zywiec - one of Poland's large breweries, but I noticed the presence of  a porter on the menu. I found an occupied table in the shady courtyard garden and ordered myself a glass along with a dish of Polish spinach and cheese pancakes.

The Zywiec Porter when it came, was excellent; dark, full-bodied and with just the right amount of residual bitterness. In short, it was a very satisfying beer. The pancakes too were just right for a lunch that was filling, but not too heavy.

I stayed an hour or so at Wrega, enjoying the food, the beer, the ambience and the sun, just making it back to the hotel before the inevitable thunderstorm.

Well it's a couple of hours later now and I'm up, washed, dressed and been down to breakfast. It feels a little chilly outside but I'll stick with my original plan of wearing shorts as I head back up into the old town for some more exploring and sightseeing.

I'll also be looking out for a few more beery surprises.